General,  Parenting

Are These the Two People Who Fight the Most in Your Family? is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to


In my house there are two people that fight ALL THE TIME

Sometimes it’s a shouting match that goes on all day long.

Do you want to know who those two people are?

Both of them are me.

There’s the me that wants to accomplish things that build up THE Kingdom…and there is the me that wants to accomplish the things that build up MY kingdom.

My kingdom is based on dreams I created for me.

His kingdom is based on dreams he created me for.

My Story

When I was in my 20s, I had a chance to build my career. But I chose not to. I knew that it wasn’t the right timing for my family.

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But just because I chose to stay at home and raise children does not mean that woman who wanted to “do bigger and better things” stays quiet.

I have to fight her almost every day.

And she’s really feisty.

She’s also pretty convincing that somehow I’m missing out on all the fun I should be having.

If I listen to her for too long, I can get really depressed, really fast.

I have to constantly remind myself that I CHOSE this supersized family life. I chose to forsake a career, accolades and the notoriety for something bigger.

As women, wives and moms, we have an important purpose. To love God, to love our husband and to love our children. Then, our secondary purpose is to teach other women, wives and moms to do likewise. (Titus 2:3-5)

Being a homemaker is a high calling that God created me to fulfill.

C.S. Lewis calls it the highest calling:

“The homemaker has the ultimate career. All other careers exist for one purpose only – and that is to support the ultimate career. ” – C.S. Lewis

To fulfill my purpose, God called me to give up my own timing and way of doing things so that I could do His will. And choosing this path has made all the difference.

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I truly believe that if I’d done things my way in my 20s, I would not be the mother and wife I am today.

My way would have made me self-focused and work-obsessed.

God’s way has made me others-focused.

I can always tell when my focus shifts off others and onto serving my own interests. I start getting stressed out. I start yelling. I start a mini-pity party about how I never get any time to myself.

The self-focused me starts fighting the God-centered me.

One of the goals I have for my family is to teach my children how to be selfless and Christ-centered…and guess who they are watching all day long to learn this quality? Me.

If I can’t display selfless behavior, then I can’t expect them to mimic that quality either.

It’s certainly okay to have dreams for yourself. 

I dream of writing books, speaking, podcasting, and vlogging. I want my house to look like a boho-dreamhouse. I want to lose another 15 pounds of pre-baby-baby weight (you know, the weight you didn’t lose when you found out you were pregnant again!) Nothing harmful in that.

But when your own dreams start colliding with the dreams that God’s set out for you, it’s time to take stock in what’s really important.

In my book, that’s spending time (almost) daily with Jesus, raising children who know and love Christ and having a husband that is secure in his marriage.

All the other stuff has to take a backseat to the main stuff.

And this is a choice. A choice I have to make over and over again each day.

Some days are harder than others.

In my novel Without Regret, one of the characters realizes that her magnum opus (aka the greatest work of one’s career) is her ability to live a life worthy of the Creator.

I hope that you realize that your God-given role as wife and mom is a huge part of your magnum opus…your greatest work.

I know it might not feel like it at times. The feeling of its importance might get buried under burp cloths or feel lackluster compared to those around you, but when you are long gone from this world it’s your children that will remember you even when everyone else forgets.

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The Dream/Family Balance

God often puts dreams into our hearts that are outside of family life. And that’s normal, but we shouldn’t forsake building our legacy at home first before we chase after those other dreams.

There’s a balance…a sweet spot…that needs to be maintained when seeking to attain dreams that could jeopardize our main priority if we let them get off-kilter.

A Sad Story

I’m friends with a woman whose mom was a very successful Christian singer. As a young person, anytime people found out who her mother was they exclaimed: “Aren’t you so lucky to have a mom who is so spiritual and sings so well. You must feel so blessed.”

But that was far from the truth. In fact, my friend often felt like her mother loved her career over her family. Her mother’s dream to be a famous singer cast ugly shadows onto her family life. My friend vowed to never let her own children feel the way she did growing up.

I don’t know about you, but I want my children to think I was such an amazing mom that they want to emulate me…not run the other direction!

I think this story is a testament to why moms should be careful with their words, their actions and their hearts when it comes to having ambitions outside the home. Even when your ambitions allow you to work at home, like mine do!

Again, I’m not forbidding ambitions outside the home, just sharing cautionary wisdom about their potential long-term effects.

What about you?

Do you have dreams that God’s replaced, changed, morphed or taken away? How does this make you feel? Do you ever resent being “just a mom” of so many little ones?

It happens to all of us.

Drop me a comment and tell me your story.

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