The question "Should we have another baby?" is one I often ask of myself, my husband and God. There is no easy answer, but this post will help shed light on the subject.

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Should You Add Another Baby to Your Supersized Family

My husband and I have been going around and around with the idea of having another baby.

He says that I’ve got the green light, but we are both back and forth. It depends on the day. Sometimes I do (ie. when I’m ovulating) and sometimes I don’t (like when I’m completely drowning in supersized family-sized meltdowns!).

To top it all off, I’ve been reading about the Quiverfull Movement, which some people reading this probably think is absolutely cray-cray!

But honestly, I’m just trying to answer the question, “Should We Have Another Baby?”

Should We Have Another Baby?

It’s an easy enough question, but its answer seems to beg more questions for me as a Christian.

Does God want me to have another baby?

Yes, God wants us to multiply.

And as for you, be fruitful and multiply; Bring forth abundantly in the earth and multiply in it.”

It would be difficult to find something in the Old Testament or New Testament suggesting the opposite…even in the slightest. In fact, most would argue that the Bible, in fact, supports child-bearing, in and of itself, wholeheartedly.

But we live in REAL life. We have mortgages. Moms have desires that don’t include breastfeeding all day. We have other children. And we are all given only 24 hours a day (some of which we need to use for sleep).

I understand both sides.

We, humans, are given wisdom. We treat our ailments with medicines – why not control fertility?

The question "Should we have another baby?" is one I often ask of myself, my husband and God. There is no easy answer, but this post will help shed light on the subject.

For or Against Birth Control?

Controlling Fertility

Around 3000 BC, the first forms of birth control were discovered.

Could it be that as soon as creation fell into sin, they started usurping God’s idea for creation which was to “go forth and multiply”?

I read that Margaret Sanger founded the American Birth Control League, which later became the Planned Parenthood Federation — which we ALL know how evil that place is!!! And it leaves me wondering if there isn’t something a little sinister about controlling birth. Does this fall under “you know a tree by its fruit” or not?

Controlling fertility is convenient. And it mostly rests squarely on the woman’s shoulders to prevent it. Considering it was Eve that made the first wrong choice, is this yet another way that we are first responsible for yet more wrong choices?

Honestly, I don’t know.

At the same time, it’s suspicious to me when birth control became widely available in the 60s  is the same time that America went south morally.

John McArthur’s (Bible Commentarian and Theologian, preaches that non-abortive family planning is permissible as long as it does not violate your conscience:

Nevertheless, nothing in Scripture prohibits married couples from practicing birth control, either for a limited time to delay childbearing, or permanently when they have borne children and determine that their family is complete. (Source: What does the Bible Teach About Fertility?)

This is probably the closest thing that I personally ascribe to, though the older I get or the more children I have I’m leaning towards having more children and not less.

What About Natural Family Planning?

Many quiverfull proponents might not deem preventive measures via hormones or barriers acceptable, but they say natural family planning is okay.

But one of the most convincing articles for abolishing any form birth control comes from Truth at Home on her blog, “Our ‘Acceptable’ Abuse of a Woman’s Needs.’

She argues that natural family planning (or not having intercourse during the most “prime” time of a woman’s cycle) goes against the natural need for a woman to want sex. Which I think it a valid argument, as we’ve personally experienced this same frustration.

God made the woman want to have sex with her husband at just that time of her cycle when conception would be most likely! And He did it on purpose!

This statement from her blog resonates with me, which is why as I’ve grown in my trust in the Lord’s wisdom and understanding, I’ve come to accept that perhaps God’s smarter than I and made my body to start and stop fertility on His perfect timetable.

What if One Partner Disagrees?

The question "Should we have another baby?" is one I often ask of myself, my husband and God. There is no easy answer, but this post will help shed light on the subject.I think one of the most overlooked (or untalked about) parts of having children is when one partner wants to have a child and yet the other does not.

It’s easy to think that couples of supersized families magically are all on the same page about family planning, but that’s not the case.

For different reasons, a husband or wife may be “done” having children, while the other desire more. Or one wants to delay and the other is ready.

Financial problems, sickness, a job change, stress and or marital problems are all reasons one partner doesn’t want to continue having children. These are legit concerns and need to be address gently in a marriage partnership.

No one should be forced or tricked into having a supersized family. It’s unhealthy and unloving for everyone involved.

When you add in wifely submission, as I believe in, I think this topic can be especially tricky if the husband wants more children than the wife. A wife may feel like she’s violating her belief system if she doesn’t adhere to her husband’s wishes. I think it prudent that the husband is considerate of his wife’s opinion. At the center of a good marriage is God, but at the center of God is peace and joy. If you don’t have peace and joy in your family planning method as a couple I think it’s evident that you should go back and reconsider your methods.

If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men. Romans 12:18 (NKJV)

This is not to say that a wife has permission to disobey her husband, but that her husband ought to find a place of peace in his wife’s soul if he truly loves her like Christ loved the church.

In the End

Honestly, at the end of the day, the truth is: this life is your life given to you by a divine Creator who gave us free-will. We are not forced to follow anyone…not even God. He did this so that we aren’t slaves. If we choose to follow God, we are His children, his servants, and His friends. And depending on the season of our lives, one of those roles might play a bigger part than the other. It’s up for us to be in fellowship with Him on a daily basis in order to decide whether we should have another baby.

If you don’t follow the Biblical concept of God, it’s really just up to you what you want.

I love what Teri and Steve Maxwell (proponents of supersized families) say [paraphrased]:

On judgement day, we’ll not stand before the Lord and have him ask, Did you follow XYZ principle or XYZ people-group? God will ask, Did you follow Jesus like I asked you to?

Don’t let anyone or any doctrine on earth make your decision for you. Family planning is a combined decision between the unbreakable cord of three: God, a husband, and wife.

If you can accomplish that, your family, whether only made up 3 or 20, will thrive.

 

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  1. Reply

    Thanks for the link! I really appreciate it!
    Congratulations on your seventh baby! Our journey has been messy, too, but I feel confident that God is leading us right where He wants us to be.
    I think that continuing to read and study this issue (especially what the Bible has to say about it . . . which is ALOT, actually!) has helped me to form my views and convictions. This is–more than anything–a FAITH journey.
    Thanks again!
    Jessica

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