It’s because of finances.
It’s because of a potential job change.
It’s because there is already enough stress.
These are the 3 reasons my husband isn’t ready for another baby right now.
We’ve never really planned any of our children (except one). They all came in the middle of lack of money, the need for a job change and stress…so what makes it different now I’ve asked him?
But as a dutiful and submissive wife, I am trying to be content.
But if I’m honest with you…I’ve failed miserably.
Not only does he feel the pressure from me, but my children have been asking for another brother or sister.
When people ask about the family, I always end the conversation with how I want another baby but am waiting on my husband’s approval…until recently when he made it clear that I had stepped over the line of respect.
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As much as I preach a message of submissive wife, I had unknowingly “joked” my way into making my husband feel pressured to do something he was expressly against at this moment.
From that day forward I have stopped joking about having another baby and have explained to the children why they shouldn’t ask for another brother or sister.
I know, so many women are in my same situation. They want another (or a first) baby, but their husband isn’t ready for another baby.
As a Christian, I think it’s more complicated because the Bible says to “be fruitful and multiply” and yet it says “wives be submissive to your husbands.”
So what gives?
Without arguing birth control methods, I love the message I heard on the movie Marriage Retreat:
“If one person in a couple doesn’t want to have a child, then that couple’s not ready. It’s that simple. End of story.”
It’s true. Think if the situation were reversed. It would be crazy to think of a man forcing a woman to have his baby.
I mean, even considering wifely submission, guilting or forcing shouldn’t be a part of a healthy Christian marriage.
But those emotions are still there…the wanting of another baby. What do you do?
I’m going to give you some tips for when your husband isn’t ready for another baby.
Five Tips for When Your husband isn’t ready for another baby
Stop Drooling Over Babies
Here’s the scenario: we see a baby and make sure to point it out to our husbands.
But here’s the reality: while we might say, “Isn’t she adorable,” what he hears is “I want a baby.”
Truth is pressuring him isn’t going make him change his mind, just the opposite – he’ll probably become more resolute in his stance against getting pregnant anytime soon.
Dig Deep & Soul Search
If every time we hold a baby, squeeze a cheek or fat thigh we find ourselves wanting what we’ve expressly been told we can’t have, we might need to do some soul searching.
- Why am I discontent with life without a baby?
- Why do I find it so hard to respect my husband on this issue?
- Is there a belief or doctrine I hold that keeps me in this pattern of thinking?
We, then, need to evaluate our answers in light of scripture and wise godly counsel.
Call a Spade a Spade
Wanting something you can’t have goes by another name: covetousness. And it’s a sin.
Trying to obey God’s command to “be fruitful and multiply” while disrespecting your husband is sinful.
Being discontent is a sin. One that kept the Israelites in the desert for 40 long years.
Calling sin by it’s rightful name will help you put your desires (no matter how holy or natural they might seem on the outside) in check.
When your husband doesn’t want to have another baby, all that time worrying could be better spent praying.
Here are some great things to pray about:
- Our heart and our husband’s heart to be in agreement in all things
- For us and our husband to see the world through God’s eyes
- To do the work of God, in whatever way He deems worthy
Of course we can pray that God softens our husband’s heart toward having children (and pray for those future children), but need to be careful to not get too caught up in something that might not ever happen if he doesn’t change his mind.
Enjoy Your Season
This moment. The one you’re in right now. You will never get it back again.
Whether you are child-free or you have children, enjoy this season of your life. Focus on today, instead of on tomorrow.
Ralph Waldo Emerson said,
“We are always getting ready to live but never living.”
Don’t live for tomorrow, because tomorrow may never come.
Live life full. Take a class. Learn something new. Enjoy your freedom. Hug the children you have. Seize THIS day.
The Harsh Reality of An Unprepared Husband
Our last baby came at a very unexpected time. For some reason, it really hit my husband hard. He wanted the baby, but he wanted to be in a better place financially before we had another.
Those nine months weren’t very fun. I was more concerned with my husband’s well-being than anything else.
I told myself I would never have another baby that would cause my husband to react that way again. I want the news of our next baby to be a joyous occasion.
Of course, everything worked out fine. My husband adores our little girl, but I wanted to share my story with you to show that it’s not a fun road when your husband doesn’t want a baby (or isn’t ready for one) and you’re pregnant.
You DO want your spouse to be on board. You don’t want to manipulate your husband into having another baby. Even subtly.
Wouldn’t it be amazing if when you announced your pregnancy your husband rushed up to embrace you?
Or jumped up to call his entire family with excitement?
Or better yet…wouldn’t it be great if having a baby was HIS idea?
Imagine him buying ovulation predictors and charting your fertility to ensure you get pregnant.
A girl can only dream.